I’m still testing the waters of serious-blogdom. I guess I’m still unsure if this is something I can maintain, and I realize how vain it seems that I think it even matters. I think it would all come easier if I had a busier schedule. I know that sounds backwards, but I function best when my days are full.
- The sunburn from our last day in Saint John is peeling; I will be sad to see this Caribbean tan go.
- I have not been taking iron pills or drinking nearly enough water. My days have been blurry and tiring. My “daily upkeep” (I am my own responsibility, after all) is overwhelming. I am frustrated by my weakness[es].
- A grown woman said, “beep beep” at me today instead of simply saying, “excuse me.” You know, because that is how adults speak to each other.
- I am currently contemplating taking an unpaid museum internship and fewer hours at work. I don’t know if I can afford it. I don’t know if that matters.
- There is part of me that wants to let go of my current employment altogether.
- My roommate and I are moving into a new apartment in June. It will serve as a temporary home for me until I move into Timothy’s house. I am making an effort to purge half of my belongings, or as close as I can get.
- I cannot wait to surf.
- While I was in Saint John, I did not have a single late-night panic attack. My cuticles healed completely because I was not constantly and frantically picking at my fingers. I am convinced that it is because of the ocean.
- I want a romantic dinner date. It has been a while. I still blush when T. types, “Hey there pretty girl.”
- This summer, I will build strength, internally and externally.
- I miss my dad.
- I also miss my mother. The feeling, though, has become less pronounced over the last handful of years. I don’t miss her the same way I miss living people. I guess that’s appropriate? I try not to think about it, much, because I sometimes become bitter about the fact that I am a woman approaching thirty without any guidance. We all want to blame our mothers. I should not.
- I have a bottle of wine in my near future. I am not privileged to have a weekend, but I have a Saturday evening.
- Sometimes I wish I was better at maintaining and nurturing relationships. I also occasionally wish that I was not so quick to burn bridges.
My mind is on fire.